Conflict arises when the alternative force from ‘within’ clashes and meets with the ‘outward’ thoughts of and experiences of the perception of how ‘I’ appear to others and to myself. Tensions arises between whichever is dominant at any given moment; and how conscious thought, fears, and wishes manipulate that conflict by allowing deeply rooted feelings and emotions to rise or be buried deeper.

Thoughts of “Can I really expose that part of the body? Can I disfigure the body pose and gestures to make tangible what is really going on within me?”

I think it is the impatience of not knowing ‘who’ I am and ‘what’ I truly feel that drives me more. Achieving an inner honesty; an acceptance to simply be myself is still my journey. I am always torn between holding up a ‘goodie goodie’image – this is how or what I should feel, think, believe, say – and be rewarded for those actions than really allowing my inner honesty and truthfulness of myself to surface. My female figures are of Myself while at the same time I draw from the inspiration of historical female characters, both real and mythological. The female figures of my sculptures are a transference – a body-felt interpretation of my sense of ‘differences’. The length of fingers, the width of arms, the angles of inclination, the gaps, the holes, exposing areas, see-through areas, un-finished areas, the fragility of the neck – these are the alphabet of my language and express my sensations.

I struggle through the anger, like so many people, striving for happier moments. Moments of simple presence – of being there, where I am, who I am with, not wishing to be otherwise. Enjoying the moment and allowing the excitement of the possibilities of not knowing what awaits next – energise my spirit. I am so, so lucky and so deeply grateful. The sorrow dissipates and I find hope and intensity of engagement in what do with my sculpture.